tv Tavis Smiley PBS February 28, 2013 12:00am-12:30am PST
tavis: good evening. from los angeles, i am tavis smiley. tonight, a conversation with comedian george wallace, but before that, something a little different tonight. it is our 10th year on pbs with thousands of show under our belt, so now i thought it was a good idea to introduce you to some of the people who have been with the show. chris macdonald. he is responsible for all of the great music guests that you see on our show. a pleasure to see you on. >> tavis, it is great to come on the show and to have the artists, and talk. i am glad to be a part of it. tavis: take it away. >> we are glad you could join us. our conversation with george
wallace starts right now. >> there is a saying that dr. king had that said there is always the right time to do the right thing. i just try to live my life every day by doing the right thing. we know that we are only halfway to completely eliminate hunger, and we have a lot of work to do. walmart committed $2 billion to fighting hunger in the u.s. as we work together, we can stamp hunger out. >> and by contributions to your pbs station from viewers like you. if -- thank you. tavis: i am pleased to welcome george wallace back to the program. i am laughing already.
after decades of making us laugh, he is now the recipient of a new lifetime award from bt. he is also celebrating his 10th year at the flamingo hotel. we will stop right there. this is my 10th year on pbs. do you see that sign, tavis 10? >> of, my goodness. tavis: he is now 10 years at the flamingo hotel, now the longest running performer to do that of african descent. a show i never miss when i am in las vegas. the celebration is this saturday, so let's take a look. >> some people ask you a question and answer it at the same time. where is your daddy, at work? what time does he get home, at 6:00?
what is your mama cooking, chicken proved -- chicken? i have been thinking about stuff like that. >> i took it back already. i always look good. do you like this suit i have got on? it is going back tomorrow. i always look good. there is something wrong with my family though. i have got a niece. she just got a master's degree. four point -- whatever it is. she heard about a man walking a tightrope across niagara falls. d you know what she asked us? was he black? there is some things that you do not have to ask.
certain things we just do not do. tavis: one of the things you have been doing well for 10 years is headlining. this is a serious record. i was thinking of all of the people, red foxx, sammy davis, jr., diane carol, all of the people, you are the longest running. >> also, i own the show. i do not work for the hotels like the others did. i set the price of the ticket, everything like that. so i set the prices high. tavis: how have you managed to that? that is a long time to be a headliner. >> it is a long time, but people are coming back. i am so blessed. you watch the news.
i watch you. the jokes pop up. i tell people in las vegas that they should love black men. black people love air conditioning. when you go to las vegas, it is 115 degrees at midnight. people would get killed in las vegas if it were not for the black man. air-conditioning and traffic lights. tavis: how do you after all of these years, up with things? you cannot tell the same jokes for 10 years. >> i get scared, people coming back. i can go back to things that have changed. let's just go back to jamaica. what was in london, the olympics.
the guy running so fast. usain bolt. he kept running. he would have come in third. the little black girl, gabby douglas. i had not seen a girl flip or jump like that since -- and then you go to the holidays, christmas. people are mad about that because someone gave me a gift card from the dollar store. you think of all of the things. christmas, we have got 1000 songs, but new year's, there is only one song, and people do not know the lyrics. all lange's nine. -- aul ang syne. taking a can of mountain dew.
tavis: you know what, that is how you come up with new material. >> las vegas, just three days ago, we had a shooting their, and everybody was looking, and they were looking for a black range rover, and i had to tell them to stop looking for me. that is a car, not a negro. tavis: this is pbs, and my mama is watching. >> everywhere you go, my mama is watching -- your mom is watching. tavis: leave my mama out of this. your mama is so black -- >> you cannot do that.
you know your mama is so dark that they named part of the evening after her. tavis, there is something wrong with you. tavis: i think we are offended my mama's honor. we can trade these jokes, and long. we do this all of the time. >> 10 years of people coming in. and he starts it up again. i love you. there is something wrong, though. tavis: you have to see george in vegas. he will call me on stage, and i think to the delight of the audience, they get just a kick seeing me on the stage, trading back and forth you mama jokes. >> guess you was there friday night? i happen to have a brand new bag to give her.
the last time he saw a show, dick clark. and from "seinfeld." joel osteen. tavis: what are proof >> i am not. are you kidding? he told a joke. someone turned 16 years old, and he went to his daddy and said, "i just turned 16 years old, and i want to use the car." his dad said, "number one, you need to improve your grades. number two, me being a minister, it would be nice for you to start reading that bible. and number three, you need to get a haircut." six months can buy, and a little boy came back and said, "i love you. you told me to improve my grades come in here is my report card.
you being a minister, making the jury that bible, i want to thank you. fendi you know when i read the bible, i read that simpson had long hair. daddy, i kept reading the bible, and i read that moses had long hair. i want to thank you for having me read the bible. i read the whole bottle, and i also found that jesus had long hair." and his father said, "but you know that they walked "? it is really nice. you never know. aretha franklin, she came to my show. tavis: the queen. >> she was laughing so hard that that have started spinning. but you never know what is going to happen. you never know what i'm going to give away. i am giving away a car. >> tavis, who are you, oprah's?
>> i know you did not say that. i want to be a rich, black lady. i learned from oprah, and i learn from you. tavis: ivers reading and "rolling stone," and they have a list of the top 25 people they suggested that you follow in the world, anywhere in the top 25. can i read your tweets. >> i do not think so. you be careful what you read. you should have come to church yesterday. stevie was there. stevie wonder. you know he is very active in our church now. tavis: that reminds me. hold on. why do blind people wear sunglasses? do deaf people run around wearing earplugs? you tweeted that. here is another one.
why did christopher dorner deshawn outs to 15 calm in his manifesto but not to may prove >> , and the one that set that house on fire. i did it. tavis: you did a shout out to adt, the security firm, for calling out to see if i am ok. >> he is fine. and about gun-control. then control. you know, i believe in the second amendment, and i believe we should have the same type of guns we had when they wrote to the second amendment. i do not think you need an ak- 47. somebody may walk in, and you could bust a cab in junior's regiona c -- a cap in junior's
butt. tavis: you had a shot out to the pope. >> i should be pope. tavis: what would you change? >> the first and i would change is that cup. everybody drinks out of the same cup. get rid of that. another thing, that makes me sick when they give me that symbol of grape juice. -- thimble of grape juice. we need margaret giese. i have got that still cracker stuck in my throat. we need more grape juice. just stay standing. states standing. i'll tell them to stop telling lies eddie's funerals. "he is not dead. he is just leaving."
i told my mama, he is dead. we have got the insurance. there walk up with the bible in their hand. "i will not be long." that is a lie. take your time, pastor, take your time. will you shut up? we have got to get out of here. tavis: you tweeted, why is there a bible in the courtroom? are we not here for that reason in the first place, somebody is lying? >> as soon as you step on a nail, you can get lockjaw. we have to bring that back. sometimes, just mean. they do not listen to the case. everybody is going to jail this month. tavis: do not let politicians
kiss your baby's -- babies. >> they have been kissing booties. tavis: stick to your live. only tell god. >> i told president clinton met. stick to your live. i still would have said, "that is not made it." stop it right there. no, that was not made. always stick to your live. tavis: how did you and jerry seinfeld get to be good friends? >> we would get together, and i said, "he looks like he is going to make a lot of money. this is a true story.
about 1980. there was one of those ladies. i said, let's go in there and mess with this lady. i said, "you are coming with me." i gave the $85, and she said, "you are going to make a lot of money." i said, "now you go. and he said, "i am not going." she looked at his hands, and she said, "i thought he was going to make a lot of money. you are going to make a lot of money." we are looking for her now. when i do well, i am blessed. that is why i am the most successful black comedian in the world, ever. it is not how much money you make. it is how you enjoy your life.
i get to know people like you. i have been to the white house. i have been all over the world. tavis: they let you in the white house? >> have you been in the white house? did you steal anything? i stole something, and i will tell you. tavis: i have been in the white house, but i am going to stick to my live. -- lie. >> when i was at the white house, i did steal something. if i go back again, president obama, you're going to be missing a lot of stuff. tavis: what are you encouraging him to do? >> jobs. we were talking about that the other day. he was talking about jobs, unemployment. tavis: what did you tell them? >> i said we need more and appointed offices.
-- more on and point offices. -- unemployment offices. i will run for president and announce it right here on the show. 2016. tavis: you are running? >> yes. all of the black people will get mad of me. every cabinet post, i will put mexicans in charge, because mexicans can get things done. they will bring people with them. anything that can be done, and mexican can do, and i will bring them along. who is the richest man in the world? a mexican. carlos slim. i know so much. have you noticed that you never see a homeless mexican? you never see a homeless mexican. eight bricks and three packs of chewing gum.
you come back one week later, townhouses and condominiums all of the block. tavis: you were telling a joke one time when i came to see you in vegas above the wall being built. you said there will not be a wall built. but they will not build a wall on the border. i am telling you right now, i am running for president. tavis: you are running in 2016? >> yes, and we will have a 3-big government. monday, wednesday, friday. that is when the mailman will come. the mailman and the garbage man will, at the same time, because they leave that mail on this step. wanted for murder, employee of the month.
tavis: have you sustained during this five days a week. are there some nights you say that you really do not feel like >> tavis come on in the most blessed person in the world. i enjoy my life, and i do what i want to do. to be able to go out there. it is my sex. it is my drug. i love to go to work. when i go out there and seemed happy people, it makes me happy. secory henniker or anything, when you walk out on the stage, laughter is the greatest menace and of the world. i teach people that. do not let people steal your joy. people cut you off on the freeway, let them go. laughing off. that is what i teach people. repeat after me, laugh it off. even if we walk in and catch our
parents making love. no, you cannot laugh at that one. tavis: you cannot laugh that one off. >> i will never stop working. retire from what? sometimes i said, "let's just talk about anything you want." i can sit there for 45 minutes and not talk about eight thing. the joke is on you. the box of this is closed. you never know what the people are going to shout out, what they want to talk about. i have traveled all over the world, and every night is different. we were in cape town, south africa. tavis: you went to africa together. >> we went to africa together. that is true. we had a good time. tavis: when are you writing a book? >> next time i come here, i will
have a book, and people can laugh it off. tavis: you have told me that before. >> when you open your mouth, you are lying. tavis: i cannot imagine your not being a comedian, you are so gifted and talented at it. >> it does not bother me. you are still paying. my first degree was in transportation. sometimes i have to explain that to people. i love my daddy. i had to put some flour -- flowers on his grave, but he put me through seven years of college, and people start laughing when i say seven years of college, and i say that i have more than one degree. my first degree was in transportation, which happens to be the number-one industry in the world.
everything around you, the shirt on your back, it had to move through some form of transportation. i could have done that. i love to traveling. i could have worked for an airline. tavis: the president of an airline? >> yes, i could run an airline well. when people fly like me, we know what the airline really needs. making them uncomfortable for people. you have got other people on the plane. you fedex that baby. i love the airline industry. a live look to president of an airline. tavis: instead, we get to see you five days a week. >> i love it. i am blessed to stop by every time. you can tweet me at mr. george wallace. that is it.
tavis: yes, a tweeted does not have a dot com on it. we have been friends a long time. >> there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. i love you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. do you know who i am going to sue? all my friends that got married in the last 10 years. i know a lot of people that got married in the last 10 years. one it jumped on a boat and went out to the ocean. you did not go to that wedding, did you? tavis: go ahead and say it. >> i am george wallace, at the flamingo. they call me mr. big. stop by. you never know what will happen or what you could win.
seinfeld, anthony anderson. you never know what will happen. joel osteen. from everywhere. there is a guy named tavis smiley who stops by every now and again. i do not know who he is, but he stops by. tavis: that is our show for tonight. keep the faith. go. you are out of here. goodbye. today's show, visit tavis smiley at pbs.org. tavis: hi, i'm tavis smiley. join me next time for a and nominated man. that is next time. we will see you then. conversation with >> there is a saying that dr. king had that said there is always the right time to do thei just try to live my life every day by doing the right thing. we know that we are only halfway